Archive for January, 2017

Looking backward & forward

January 24, 2017

I can’t wait for the Year of the Fire Rooster to begin if only for selfish reasons:  my love life is forecasted to improve.  Regardless of my doubts that it could get any worse, this is an affirmation I’m prepared to back 110%.

Not that I’m ungrateful the opportunities to clear away obstacles and build better foundations that the Year of the Monkey bestowed.  The Yellowstone job was one manifestation of this energy; others have been instruments for deeply personal work.

One encounter occurred toward the end of November.  Whether our meeting was random or fated isn’t relevant; what matters is the meaning I grasped.  I think one of the tarot cards in the reading that Vito did for me summed it up best:  he was a magician sent with a message that I too am magician.

There were other elements of what he revealed to me that I don’t want to disclose except to say that even if you’re a magician, there’s a lot of hard work involved.  One of my tasks was to use my meditation to go back to the year when I was 8 years old.  I was to do this every day for 2 weeks and see what it brought up.

Vito guided me through the first meditation, and I repeated the steps each time thereafter.  I would walk down the street toward my house, stand at the door, walk inside, stop to say hello to my father and my mother, then walk up to my bedroom.  And there my 8 year old self would be waiting.  I would hug her and tell her I loved her, then ask if she wanted to take a walk.  As we left the house, holding hands, I would look back occasionally and watch the house grow smaller and smaller until it disappeared.  Then she and I would go to the edge of Lake Yellowstone, the most beautiful natural setting I could think of, and I would listen as she talked.

I did recover quite a bit about how I experienced that year and those surrounding it.  But what stands out most in my mind now is how much that little girl was waiting for someone to show up for her.  Just as I needed to bring back information from the past, she was waiting for a message from the future.

This morning I thought of her again, waiting for me in her bedroom.  What could I tell her that would help her to get through not only the most terrifying year of her life but all the other gut-wrenching times to come?  Would she despair, knowing that her marriage failed, that she never had children, that her career was punctuated by starts and stops?

“You will have amazing adventures and visit beautiful places.  You will feel in your heart and in your bones how much pleasure the natural world provides and you will create a life that lives in harmony with it,” I tell her now.  “But most importantly, you will have friends who truly love you.  They will show up for you when you need them.”

I can see her lift her tear-stained face and give me a small, brave nod.  Then the realization of how much that will sustain her will light up her eyes and finally her lips will curve into a smile.

tami